Posted by This is probably my worst pet peeve of them all – positive reinforcement. One way it has been explained, by a psychiatrist no less: if you have a child behaving badly in the store and you offer to get that child something they want – either a toy or candy or whatever, then it is called bribery. If you tell that same child before you go to the store that if they behave they may get something from the store – positive reinforcement. I say it is still bribery. You are bribing your child to be good.
Bribery or positive reinforcement? Bribery!
Another way positive reinforcement has been explained to me is when a child is doing something they should, then you offer them a piece of candy for instance. Why are we giving them a reward for doing something they should be doing anyway. According to Boutros (Berkley Well-Being Institute, Year unknown), Positive reinforcement describes the process of increasing the future incidence of some response or behavior by following that behavior with an enjoyable consequence. The consequence is sometimes called a “positive reinforcer” or more simply a “reinforcer”. Behavior-increasing consequences are also sometimes called “rewards”.
It makes no sense. If kids need a reward for doing their school work, chores, or acting right in public, maybe the parents should look at the way they discipline their kids.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for telling a kid “good job” when they get an “A” on their homework or test. But to give them a reward for it? No! Praise for doing what is expected of them? No. Job well done? Yes.
There is absolutely no need to give positive reinforcement to try to get a kid to behave correctly in public or at home. That is nothing but bribery. What that kid needs is bent over your knee a couple times. Worked for my generation. It will still work. It didn’t hurt our psyche. Parents just don’t want to discipline their kids – they want to be their friend. I see it hear it all the time. They don’t need you to be their friend while they are growing up. That comes after they are an adult. As kids, they need you to be their parent.
Parent or Friend
As written on a blog at moms.com by Asley Wehrli, according to The Toys Matrix and Daily Advent, a survey was done that shows that parents in the modern world want their children to consider them a friend. The survey found that 87% of participants, which included today’s parents, believe that having a friendship with their children is mentally beneficial. The survey went on to show that:
- 37% of parents saw their child as their friend growing up, showing the drastic differences in parenting now vs. then. The older generation saw flaws in this type of parenting.
- 29% said that being your child’s friend will lead them to grow up with a lack of respect.
- 45% said that their children will not know boundaries when they are older when you raise them as your friend instead of your child.
- Some even went as far as to call this form of parenting “lazy” and said that it showed that parents lack assertiveness.
Being an elementary teacher we are supposed to use positive reinforcement, however, I do not. I have my students face the consequences of not doing their work. For instance, take recess away, have them write apology letters if they misbehave for a substitute, write sentences about not doing whatever it is they did, or call their parents – well at least the parents I know that take care their child is acting up. Some parents don’t.